don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize