We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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