Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
