Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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