Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
