HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
