Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
