didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
