im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize