what day is it and did you see me today?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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