Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
