Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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