I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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