i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
