I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
