just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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