Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
