He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
