My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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