I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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