he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
MIDGETS
????
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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