It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
