I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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