Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
