So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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