Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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