I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
