do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize