You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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