you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
