am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i now understand why vodka
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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