have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
