What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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