i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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