By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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