i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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