You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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