Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
