i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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