i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think a kid would responsible me up
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
