when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize