I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
