He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
