were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just threw up on my dentist
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
