I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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