He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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