I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
