Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
