I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you would pick up someone in the library
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
