I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
