Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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