You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
