She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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