your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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