We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
