check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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