I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
