yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
