He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
