So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How drunk are you?
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