dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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