i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
