When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
