I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
