My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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