So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
