She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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