Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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