Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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