I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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